That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Farmville is her only friend.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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