I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
