Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
