my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
