I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just pee around me
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
