can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
