You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
