I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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