Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I have tasted many bathrooms
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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