i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
40s are totally the cure
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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