I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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