Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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