...is it true? will i see you next weekend
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.