I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
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I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
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I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement