I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work