I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
All of them.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.