and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...