Texts From Last Night

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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome

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  (208): I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome http://tfl.nu/zb92
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  (518): View more from New York

  after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.

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  (518): after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date. http://tfl.nu/xryi
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  (619): View more from California

  We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants

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  (619): We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants http://tfl.nu/owqu
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.

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  (419): It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America. http://tfl.nu/twjg
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day

  (240): View more from Maryland

  hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine

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  (301): i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day (240): hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine http://tfl.nu/f8k7
  Replies (10) Good night (4108) Bad night (869)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.

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  (615): The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face. http://tfl.nu/dqag
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once

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  (860): it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once http://tfl.nu/6yr8
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country

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  (651): I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country http://tfl.nu/ju5o
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  (772): View more from Florida

  The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.

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  (772): The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle. http://tfl.nu/irdh
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  (551): View more from New Jersey

  The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.

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  (551): The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet. http://tfl.nu/8f2g
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.

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  (614): Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified. http://tfl.nu/iywq
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university

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  (+44): He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university http://tfl.nu/5znd
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."

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  (617): Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide." http://tfl.nu/7grl
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.

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  (575): Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare. http://tfl.nu/2cr4
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?

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  (+44): are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper? http://tfl.nu/40vp
  Replies (3) Good night (586) Bad night (122) Order T-Shirt

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