I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
