Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
