So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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