I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
