Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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