My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Two words: nipple clamps
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