oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
