So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
