I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize