plz talk dirty to me
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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