don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
