Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
