Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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