Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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