Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
