how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
