My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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