Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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