Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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