Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
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I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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