sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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