i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
