it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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