Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
