I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
