So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
