a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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