I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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