i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
