can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
