Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
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I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
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Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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