What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
