I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
