How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
