How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
