Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
