Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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