the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You were trust falling into bushes
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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