I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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