Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
