The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
