So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
