Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
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