i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
