Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
