i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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