there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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