Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
