those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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