i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
