i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
