The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
