got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
