i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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