Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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