we made out on top of his cat.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
