I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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