Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
