i just wanna soil my oats bro
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
