I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
