Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
