I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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