I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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