hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I want her autograph on my taint
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
