Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
