I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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