T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
