Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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