i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize