he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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